


Blood Stains

by postjentacular



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Inspired By Tumblr, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 00:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7245094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postjentacular/pseuds/postjentacular
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by <a href="http://sncwbaz.tumblr.com/post/144865978431/period-problems">this tumblr post</a><br/>Fluffy, domestic friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood Stains

**PENELOPE**

Baz is standing at our kitchen sink, up to his elbows in soapy bubbles, cursing under his breath and looking more frustrated than I’ve ever seen him before. “Basil, are you doing laundry?” He shoots me a glare and I see him swallow the sarcastic comment he was ready to make, “Normal laundry? Is there something wrong with magic? You know Simon doesn’t mind you using it.”

“My magic is fine, Bunce,” and to prove it he rattles off a barrage of **_Open Sesame_** s, **_A Place For Everything_** and a **_Tea For Two_** thrown in for good measure. As cupboard doors open and close around the flying crockery I take sip of tea - Assam, with a splash of milk - “but pigs’ blood is proving to be more stubborn than was to be expected.”

“You’ve tried **_Clean As A Whistle_**?” I ask rhetorically, “and **_Spick and Span_**?"

“Crowley, Bunce,” he seethes through gritted teeth, “I’ve tried every single one, every slogan and jingle, I’ve tried **_Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness_** , I even tried **_Airing My Dirty Laundry_** , which is why, Bunce, I am wasting my time with this Normal crap, trying to get last night’s dinner out of the cuff of my favourite shirt.” He dumps the shirt back below the bubbles and steps back.

I hand him my cup of tea and hip-check out of the way of the sink, “Firstly Basilton, this,” I hold up the washing up liquid, “is not for laundry, this is for dishes. You need to soak the stain in cold salt water. If that doesn’t shift it, some vinegar should do the trick.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I know you’re not personally au fait with lady parts Baz, but you do have a basic understanding of human anatomy, don’t you? You have a mother and sisters? How do you think I know this?” He takes a sip of my tea and thinks I don’t notice him spelling sugar into it. “This shirt is white so as a last resort you can always bleach it," I continue, "but as it seems to be only white thing you own you’re going to need to learn the other methods if you’re going to keep dribbling your meals. Alternatively you can just **_Out, Out Damn Spot_**.”

“Doesn’t work, Penny, I’ve already tried it.”

“Really?” I hold up the now pristine shirt for his approval.

“ _Out, out_ has always worked in the past on pigs’ blood.”

“It still does, Baz, just not for you, not now you’ve given up your Lady MacBethian ways.” I pick up the other cup of tea and sit down opposite him, “you know how spells work, you need to have some connection with them. You can’t get a **_The Lady’s Not For Turning_** to work any more than I can get **_A Man’s Gotta Do_** to. **_On Love’s Light Wings_** only works if you’re truly in love, **_U Can’t Touch This_** only works if you know the song and **_Je ne regrette rien_** only works if you speak French."

**BAZ**

Is Bunce plotting? 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this tumblr post](http://sncwbaz.tumblr.com/post/144865978431/period-problems)
> 
>  **Standard fanfic disclaimer:** These are Rainbow Rowell’s characters; this is just fanfic for nothing other than entertainment purposes.
> 
> Cross-posted on [tumblr](http://postjentacular.tumblr.com/post/146156543695/blood-stains) and [AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/postjentacular)


End file.
